i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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