This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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