I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize