mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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