I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
