my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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