do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
