32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
