The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
