what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
