She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
