Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
