Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
