do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
