I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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