Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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