god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize