If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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