oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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