At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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