I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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