$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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