got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
