I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
