dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
