we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
its liver damage thursday
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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