my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
