you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
