First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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