I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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