Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
