Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
