I wish i was in the wii world.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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