Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
