we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
