i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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