I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
