So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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