Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
