he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
