ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
