Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
