I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
pray to the hookup gods
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
