Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I want her autograph on my taint
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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