He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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