I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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