Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
