she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
