So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
