mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
