I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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