He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
