yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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