uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
