that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
