Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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