Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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