well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
