i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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