Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
