Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
