every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
