I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
