I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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