the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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