There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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