I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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