toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
