I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
