I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
