apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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