I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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