I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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